A very bad Day!!
I am sure that most people who live with the levels of Chronic Pain that I do will tell you that one of the worst things about it is the Loneliness. It eats you alive because all of a sudden people don't have time for you and Yes "THAT INCLUDES YOUR OWN FAMILY". Even writing about pain when I am in so much pain at times is almost unbearable
Most of the time I do a pretty good job of keeping things in perspective but today wasn't one of them. My ex-wife, the mother of my two sons is dying of lung Cancer. My youngest son has always run from reality when it comes to things like that. He called me last night to tell me that she was back in the hospital and then got upset with me because he said he didn't like the way I reacted. When I asked him to explain what he meant he couldn't.
I had called him two or three times previous this week and of course I got the same answer that I have gotten for years. Dad, I am busy right now. I will call you right back. He didn't of course but I have grown use to it because he never does. Neither of my children call me any more to ask me how I am doing, if they can do anything for me, however they will call if they need something from me. Strange? Not really.
People can relate to cancer, heart problems, strokes, lung problems and I could go on. Just the word Pain, or Chronic Pain just doesn't seem to register in the human mind as being anything serious. Hell, what can you expect when most of the medical profession feels the same.
Sometimes I want to just stop writing even stop trying to even think about it. It is hard to believe with so many millions of people in this country in pain that it continues to be ignored especially by the state and federal law makers. I thought in this country you were presumed innocent until proven guilty, yet the majority of people that have had surgery after after surgery and still live in unbearable pain are stigmatized as just drug addicts. This is absolutely pathetic. Even many of the fighting men and women who have sustained severe damage are running into the same problems. This my friends is a disgraceful shame.
3 comments:
i know you life, i live it intimately everyday. i have no family and a few fairweather friends. thank you for having the energy for putting the word out there and letting the world know about our phlight.
Fellow comrad for the fight against pain!
Elizabeth Barret Browning wrote, "People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
Sometime they do not know the truth they are human as other are and some better than others I found that the hard way by trying to kill myself did they finally found what was wrong with me.
Pierre
My name is Jason and I recently had my second back surgery. Before surgery I was not in a whole lot of pain,but enough to impair and effect my work. My docter suggested a Discectomy on L3-L4 and L4-L5. After surgery I was in alot of pain,and never even got back to where I was pre-op. 2 weeks ago I had a fusion on L4-L5 and L5-S1. the pain is worse than ever, and my doctor says that he is very "confident!" People, even doctors, have stopped believing that I am genuinly in pain! I have a high tolerence for pain meds and am starting to notice the shitty tone I get when trying to control my pain. I am being treated sike a drug addict, and because I am addicted to the meds, they no longer believe me. Ironic that they got me addicted to them with promises of relief,and now they don't want to help me! jasonmittlieder@yahoo.com
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