Living in hell-but you are still on earth!!

I am at the point now, when I start a post I usually go through a series of emotions. Who in the hell wants to read about PAIN? Sometimes when I try to write, I become angry when I look back at my life, I think back to the day of my accident. Sometimes I just sit and look a my computer screen. Finally I turn it off, lay my head down and cry. It is becoming increasing harder to write about pain when you are suffering so much. I don't know what drives me anymore.

I don't seem to ever be satisfied with what I have written about Chronic Pain. Often I will see a story on T.V., but its always about the addict and those terrible narcotics. I watched a story on Fox news a couple of days ago. It was about school kids and and the majority of kids said they gained access to their parents prescription drugs. Something is wrong with this story. Where in the hell did their parents get so many opioid and opiate type drugs, that they could just leave them lying around in their medicine cabinets.

When I hear unsubstantiated stories like this from the news media, I go into a rage.
They don't know or understand because for whatever reason this is the position of all of the news media. As for as that goes the general public have the same attitude.
If you take any of the powerful drugs, you are a drug addict. That is simply not true. Unfortunately, it has to strike close to home or to the person themselves before they really understand what a pain epidemic we have in this country. It takes only a split second to go from a happy active person to a vegatible that relies on this powerful pain medication to sustain life.

There is not a day of my life that I don't feel like taking my 40 Cal. automatic pistol that is loaded with hollow point rounds and sticking it in my mouth. The only thing that has stopped me is my faith in Christ, the love of my family and last I really don't want to die. Everyone has a breaking where they can't stand it any more. The suicide rate in this country is 5 times higher for people in chronic pain versus people who are not. So Please, to all of the politicians, DEA, and doctors out there. There are over 75 million of us are suffering this agonizing pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All we want is a life, not to sit around getting adicted to drugs. We are citizens of this great country also and should be afforded the same right to life in peace as everyone else.

Why do I even bother writing a blog about pain?

Photo of me 8 months before my injury. The real damage was done by the surgical procedure that followed.
I have asked myself that question a lot lately. After all, no one wants to read about pain. Most people have the perception that bad things only happen to other people. Actually I guess I felt that way myself at one time. Its just human nature to not want to talk about painful or unpleasant things. Like so many other people who live in Chronic Pain, I ask myself more and more every day, Why even GO ON. Why not just put a stop to all of the pain, the sleepless nights.

Even taking pain medication gets very old and I will never be able to understand why anyone would want to take strong opiates that don't need them, because they all have side effects. Personally I think that people who take opioids just for the feeling are unhappy with themselves, with life. The news media makes it harder for people like me to get help because of their biased reporting. I'm not that way, I get high off life, and this beautiful country that GOD has blessed me with. That is one of the reasons that I cannot bring myself to take my own life. I am a man of God and I don't believe that is my call to make.

Someone once ask Rev. Billy Graham if there was a God, why did he allow little children to suffer and die young? Actually it was on the "Larry King Live Show". Rev. Graham looked at Larry King and replied I DON'T KNOW. He went on to say, "If we knew all of the mysteries of God then there would be no reason to worship him. He is absolutely right.

Do I believe there is a God? With every fiber in my body. Why hasn't he healed me? I don't know because I have prayed for him to do that. The best thing I have going for me is when I walk outside about 4:00 A.M. in the morning, which is about the time I go to sleep and look up at the beautiful universe I know his "Holy Spirit" is with me. That and my family is what has kept me going, along with the hope that if I write long enough, the medical profession and the politicians will do something to help me and the 60 million people in this country of all age groups who suffer as I do. It is time for both of them to put an end to the unfair stigmatization of Chronic Pain sufferers being drug addicts. It is a lie and I challenge any of them to show proof of it. They want do that for one reason. THEY CAN'T.